Walsh, Piers Morgan and Butt Odor

…how in the bloody hell can people still listen to this drivel?

Watching YouTube today, (by the way, probably the only choice you have of ‘watching’ something with the fewest employed mind control techniques, like attention sucking slot machine Jedi Vegas mind tricks studied manically by Zuckerberg, et al) and I love watching most anything to do with the sport of cycling. However, when you talk cycling you also get the dark, lurking monster that is doping, alleged doping, thinking about doping, Talking about doping, wishing to dope and, most importantly, blaming others for doping.

I guess I typed cycling in the search bar, it came up. They say doping can hurt your memory, but I can’t recall why. As for my precise keystrokes in the search bar, you would have to ask the Russians. And I don’t care what Vlad says, the porn wasn’t me.  Anyway, at the top of the results was this show hosted by Piers Morgan and featuring journalist, David Walsh, who was a huge thorn for Armstrong (a lot like a festering little splinter in your ass) and a lot of other people. He is a sanctimonious, moral high ground pain in the ass just to begin with. He is always talking and writing some more (and more and more) about so called doping in cycling and holding his mouth in that Inquisitional sort of way. You’ve seen the “I need my teeth slapped out” look, I know.

What I saw today was this super hypocritical piece of opinion bullshit, self-promotion and mutual admiration called ‘journalism’ by the BBC. The media star, Piers Morgan, while trying real hard not to look like Prince Charles, leaned in just like he had a good five inches up his haberdashed ass.  Either that, or that triple cheeseburger he had at lunch was talking to him.  He may be an arrogant asshole (pun totally intended) but always hate to see a brother having sphincter issues on live television.

Walsh and his little band of media and the quasi-governmental big money anti-doping agencies, all around the world, have made a freaking multi-million-dollar boutique industry out of doping, (again, talking about and blah, blah), with a laser focus on cycling.  Seriously, these guys are the Jerry Springers of sensationally promoted bullshit, not to say sensational bullshit.  Was that redundant?  Whatever, but they need to bring like Dr. Phil if just for a Texas accent guy to balance out the clearly enhancing U.K. centric accents on the broadcasts.  Likely need a good, old fashioned victim-hood group too. Since the word enhancing is used more than, say, ‘and, by Walsh and his buddies, I just figured that enhancing is fair game. Fair and square. Maybe they should enhance their street cred by actually doing something in the arena, on the field. I have an idea, I am 59 years old and I ride my bike almost every day, they can start by smelling my seat and divining what enhancing drugs I use. They maybe could identify where I need more fiber. At least they would have to actually get out of the chair and pull their fingers out of their ass. Monday morning quarterbacking is barely tolerable from your buddies and coming from these guys, completely unacceptable.

Just to clarify, even Walsh says Armstrong told the truth when, in press conferences, he said he had never tested positive. No shit. And if you think that those horse shit depositions you see videos of are close to fair, you have clearly never participated in the American version of civil litigation. You probably are looking forward to the Easter Bunny here shortly and you even believe that there is equity and justice at any courthouse you see.   Lance was being grilled by the lawyers representing a bookie everybody pretended was in the insurance business. He figured the odds wrong and lost, period. You think those guys didn’t know exactly what the deal was? You think they believe the NFL is as clean as a baby’s ass? Yeah, the Easter Bunny,  remember?   Maybe bookmaking and insurance is the same thing; go and ask Miss Good Hands in the corner.  Yeah, I saw you looking. Oh wait, have I now just committed some sort of political correctness crime? I feel so dirty.

Haven’t any of you ever wondered why the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) gave two shits what they do in France?  So, you got lawyers, bookies, big money and TV Journalists. Get it now?  If you are still stumped, go watch The Wizard of Oz smoking some of Colorado’s finest and call us back in the morning.   If that doesn’t work, go play in the traffic.  If it’s not real bad disbelief, just go to your nearest Walmart at 3:00am, that’s what I call the scared straight method.

So, here is Walsh on a show hosted by Morgan where they get all sanctimonious and holier than everyone else speaking of their latest target, Sir Bradley Wiggins.  Say what you want, but I like the whole sword on the shoulder knighthood deal. I mean, it’s the Queen, corgis and cocktails at the Palace. Who wouldn’t like that? The sport of cycling has what are known as Technical Use Exemptions (TUE). These TUEs are typically used for drugs related to asthma. I mean I guess they are because that’s what they talk about all the time. If you have around 16 hours of free time I guess you could actually read the banned shit list, phone book size.   TUEs are given all the time. For real, all the time. There are all sorts of drugs, from inhalers (known by most as puffers) to intramuscular injections and oral meds. Wiggins has gotten various TUEs for asthma drugs over his career. Wow. The TUEs are ubiquitous and well known. We are talking about stuff that happened years ago too, by the way. Guess it’s a slow time in Walsh world. He can’t find anything to whine about any more recent than 2012 bicycle races? What a pitiful asshole.

Walsh and Morgan just come out and say that Wiggins is a cheater. Pretty strong stuff, huh? Remember, these are sideline guys who probably who could barely pull away from the green room buffet long enough to accuse champion, elite athletes. Out of the other side of their big and constantly moving mouths, they also admit that Wiggins complied with the rules of both the UCI (the world cycling Daddy) as well as the rules set by British Cycling. So then, you may reasonably ask, what’s the beef? I have no idea, there’s another Russian question. Maybe Wiggins manipulated the UCI rules using Facebook, shit who knows?

I can’t say for 100% certain, but I think that Walsh, Morgan and their talking head buddies believe they are the arbiters, and sole inhabitants of, the moral high ground. That place of pure, rarified air where you pronounce whatever you want.  Again, they are all full of shit and apparently take great pleasure in calling athletes cheats while also admitting they followed the rules. Don’t know about you, but that just drives me bat shit crazy. You throw in that Betsy whatever her name is woman and you have a high probability of thrashing the shit out of that big, new high definition TV you saved for. You see their smug smirks and you are like, bitch please!

Ok, enough already. I say let the prince and the printer get off those fat asses and tell us what they, themselves, have done instead of smearing the names of actual athletes who are out there. Like Teddy Roosevelt said (sort of), those guys should just stay in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat since they are not in the arena, haven’t been in arena and are almost 100% guaranteed to never be in the arena. That would be dangerous and hard. Guys like that don’t do actual shit, they just judge others who do. I say bullshit.

Cheers!