What I Knew Then…
“If only I knew then what I know now!” The ubiquitous saying. You have said it, you have heard it and you have though it, probably a lot. I have. But, you don’t, not if you think about it. You would waste your youth being cynical, suspicious and demeaning.
You must admit it’s hard to finally find out the so-called “truth”. Remember the older kids on the playground? They told you and your buddies stuff that was out there in your left field. No way that’s true. My parents do what? It sucks but then you learn, sadly you learn.
Don’t take this the wrong way. Getting older and wiser comes with a lot of benefits. It’s just that the afternoons of youth are warm memories. I think that a lot of our biased thinking is learned. How can you be born hating shit? Matter of fact, you can unlearn a lot of that black cloud stuff right now.
First thing, you gotta breathe, deep. Then, do it again. I know, it’s hard. And, watch out for that talk in the head. Thinking about breathing is just asking for it. That little guy with the black beret hat and the big megaphone. That’s the director of that movie in your head which plays constantly, particularly the sound track. The talk in the head that tells you a bunch of shit that not only is not true but always makes you an even bigger asshole than you can believe. When you wake up guilty, it’s normally a hangover. But, when you get older and wiser, hangovers from booze get less frequent. So, then all the that bad energy is therefore asshole hangover. Happens all the time.
Ok, now that you know about the director, you can change the story. You can fire that director and hire a new one. You cannot rewrite the past but you can change the plot on this scene right now. That’s the secret. You can start right now. You can do more with less and you can begin to fulfill your deepest yearnings. You know what lies in your heart and in your soul. I bet it’s not your soul that covets the fancy stuff that you always thought would complete you.
The secret might be that you complete you. The past is a mighty big place, almost limitless. But, the here and now; the moment in front of you leads to the infinite. While the backyard might be a huge space, the canvas right at the end of your nose is blank, white, pristine. At the end of your arm are the paints and the brush. Pick up a brush and start. Forget about the backyard and paint your ass off. Make the story from here on out what you want it to be, make it your vision.